random rambling

Wow. The last time I wrote on this blog was when I was 20 years old. So much has happened since then... Right now I'm in a deep hole. I can crawl out slowly but it will cause much pain.. I don't understand how you can say you love someone and then one day just toss them out of your life like they meant nothing to you? I guess I will never understand selfish motives, but I will accept them. Try to move on. Maybe fucking cry 10,000 more times about it and then I will move on. But I am praying, hoping, wishing, begging that none of this is really true and I am just in some fucking nightmare. I need him. Am I co dependent? Maybe. But he is too and I think that's what scared him. I know it's not healthy but you don't throw away a genuine fucking relationship.... I am fucking torn. Selfish me is begging for you back baby, but the other part of me knows what you are going through. I just wish I could fucking be there with you through it all. I love you...