Sometime In The Future...

So now we are 2 years into the future of the previous post. What a rollercoaster, lol. 

I moved to Colorado. It's beautiful here, and I love every part of it, yet somehow I still feel like I don't belong here. I don't belong back home in Texas, and I don't belong here. Why do I constantly feel like I am longing, searching for something more than what I already have? 

I moved to Colorado. I found a job after a month of living here. I loved it at first but turned out to be a terrible job. My coworkers and my boss were some of the coolest people I had ever met, and I am so happy to say that I am still friends with them, even though we all have moved on from that job. I got over my last ex thank GOD.. but it was hard. He still talks to me every now and then and I cringe at the sight of his name on my phone. I still need to *fully* forgive myself for that, but I am getting better with time. I met a guy... and I couldn't even begin to explain how I feel when I see him. Even to this day I get butterflies just looking at him. Things are so complicated between us now, it feels like I am repeating my previous "relationship" all over again.

We met, I fell so hard for him almost instantly. I never told him I loved him though. We met, we went on adventures almost every day. We met, he spoiled me in gifts and laughs. We met, he made me feel like the luckiest girl to have existed on this plane, and the next. We met, and my world was set on fire. His eyes could put valleys to shame.. God he is so handsome. Smart. Talented. Funny. Courageous. Daring. Perservering. Everything I wanted to see in myself I saw in him. It's so sad that it all had to come crashing to an end. I cry just thinking about him at least once a day. I still don't know what happened between us; He didn't respect me enough to tell me that he didn't want to be with me. I had to find out by my friend finding his profile on a dating app. Heartbreaking is an understatement, really. I found that out in May and still have never got any type of closure or anything from him. The sad part of human nature is that NOBODY OWES ANYBODY ANYTHING. I'll never get that closure from him, so I will need to give it to myself. I think I owe myself that strength after all of this time. We met, and he changed my life. I will love him always for that. 

 Everything has changed from when I first moved. First of all, we are living in a PANDEMIC??? STILL????? This could have easily been over now had it not been for our dorito for a president. The election is coming up and I fear for my country that we are going down a rabbit hole.. a dictatorship rabbit hole. I live alone in a garden unit with my dog Kuzco. I have a new job that I really love, even if I feel inadequate sometimes. Single, as hard as it is for me to admit it. I want to meet my person, my soulmate, my best friend. I really thought I had found that in someone else, but I think that I was trying to see it in him when it was never there. 

I will meet my person this year, I just know it. I'm not sure the next time I will be back here.. it seems I only stumble upon my blog whenever I really need to see it again. By then I will have met my person(hopefully) and will have good news. Until next time.